Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Do you fancy any Morpeth cycling my Darlington?

Today was supposed to be Newcastle to North Allerton but it turned into Morpeth to Darlington... but we had a good team and we were hoping to make up lost time which would put us in a good position to get back on schedule for our arrival in York tomorrow.

After the very late night and torrential rain we all woke a little groggy... not helped by the dead body we saw on our way to pick-up volunteers at Newcastle station. This could have been a bad omen, but the smiling faces and fresh meat not only reminded me of my days in The Lebanon but also gave us a good injection of optimism

We had a brilliant run out of Morpeth, and the lovely farmer man met us with the new lights and whistles for the trailer (it now sparkled brighter than a Parisian brothel). We passed the Wide Open Dental Practice (we hoped to see the Wide Open Gynaecology Unit, but it just wasn’t to be) and a garage that promised ‘The Best Hand Job in Town’ (it left me disappointed).

I steered us into Newcastle, changing lanes faster than a rubber bowling ball... We got into the university for a talk and tour with the director of the institute. It was very interesting, inspiring and encouraging; we even got to see a very, very big laser which sorts different types of cells into pots.

As we came out of Newcastle we entered nail bar town and tanning Ville... It was about this time that we started telling rather disgusting jokes involving camels. In fact the tone for the rest of the day was set to smut, smut, smut... but as the Angel of the North came into view we all held our poisonous tongues and stared irreverently at her beautiful rear.

Sadly today we encountered an accident... Some silly bugger was spending too much time checking us out in his wing mirror and he slammed into the car in front …. Luckily no one was hurt but I would have loved to have heard the insurance claim ‘this big purple seven seater circular bike came out of nowhere...’

We passed round the bum cream to keep everyone lubricated …. I’m worried that it used to be white and now it’s brown... I think that is ok though don’t you, and we drunk Juice Doctor Cocktails... we even started playing drinking games with Juice Doctor... for instance if anyone mentioned the word ‘hill’ they had to take a swig…… sometimes you just have to make your own fun kids!

Darlington shone in the evening sun, and she looked right pretty, aye she did... we stopped at the train station (it was quite busy, as everyone appeared to be leaving).

The campsite was a heaven among campsites... It was made up of ‘luxury static homes’ with names like The Vogue and Swift Jesus (I might have made the last one up, but it is a good name for a pimped up caravan in’t it!). It wasn’t raining + there were hot showers, and a washing machine/tumble dryer which = happy campers... and to top it all off our neighbour for the night invited us in for a brew and let us sit at his table to eat some fine Fish and Chips, maybe Jesus had been swift with his arrival after all!

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